Midnight Romps

Recently there's been a recurring crime committed in our house, and it might be the worst one yet:
The crime of waking me up in the middle of the night.

Now, you have to understand, I am not a 8 hrs or people get smacked kind of person. It's more of a 6-7 hrs and don't talk to me right away and everything will be fine. This is usually pretty straightforward- I wake up at 6, so asleep by 11- totally do-able.

The pattern gets broken by something happening at 3am...Like, for example, a dog barking and freaking out at a noise I can't hear. Or, maybe a dog having a bad dream and barking in her sleep. Or a dog trying to get comfortable and scratching and moving a ton of stuff and huffing and grunting.....
You know, just as an example.

So there have been several instances of this recently.
The first one was actually comedic- mainly 'cause it was the first one.
At approx 3:15 am  Odie starts barking - no growl warning, nothing, just a full tilt barking frenzy while staring at the wall that divides our bedroom from the front room of the house. This is pretty unusual for our little dude who loves to sleep. Enough so that we both shot out of bed- and the Hubs went to explore the front of the house thinking someone was trying to break in.
Turns out, nothing of the sort had happened- it was a massive cat fight happening on our front stoop (fur evidence was found all over the front yard the next day). Odie's terrier blood got riled when he heard it and he wanted IN the fight.
After finally calming down, and laughing at bit at the ridiculousness of it all, we all tried to fall back asleep. And tried and tried and tried. Almost 45 min later, I think I finally fell asleep. So there's an hour lost. Lovely. Felt that at 2pm the next day for sure.

Then, a couple of days later, it was Piper's turn. For some reason around 3am, she started walking around the room, and trying to get my attention by standing up on my side of the bed. There's really nothing quite as lovely as getting a paw in the face when you're dead asleep. No, really, it's great....
After I yelled at her and she walked around some more, pacing and grunting every once in a while, with no rhythm to it so that I couldn't adjust to it and fall back asleep. Time passed, we all went back to sleep.
Then 45 minutes later, as she slept on the floor next to me, Piper started to dream. When she dreams, occasionally she does this weird thing with her mouth that sounds a bit like she's smacking her lips. It's a strange jaw popping thing and you can't ignore it. So, I got to wake up again. This time, I felt the Hubs stir and knew he heard it to.
"You hear her? This is killing me"
"Yeah, bitch. *mumble*"
So, another 20-ish minutes of being awake for that one before I was able to fall back asleep.

Last night, yet again, 4 am rolls around and suddenly I'm awake. It's Piper again, trying very hard to get my attention. She stands up on the side of the bed and paws at my arm. She paces and huffs. She scratches at the floor mat that is her bed on my side of the room. She knocks the curtains around (a metallic sound of the rings of the curtain knocking on the curtain rod) and knocks things off the night table. Then stands up on the bed again. This went on for a good 45 minutes, ending almost in time for the Hubs alarm to go off for work. Thankfully he'd slept thru all Piper's noise, so he should be ok today. I had the joy of waking up and going for a run despite all the shenanigans that went on overnight. Right now it's 5:30pm and I am still able to spell my name and type, but I'm not sure how. I also am thankful to whoever invented spell check 'cause I'm giving it a workout right now.

These dogs have GOT to stop it with these middle of the night mayhem. I don't drink coffee..... Many more days of this and I will totally lose it and fall asleep at my desk.
ok, again.
If we're being honest here.

I love them both, I truly do, thats why I don't mind bitching and moaning about them here- 'cause I know I love them under all of it. But this waking me up business is getting very risky for everyone involved.

Consider this a warning, kiddos, a "fix it ticket" as it were. Fix it, or you're gonna be in a heap of trouble.

Revenge

Yesterday was Halloween.
The day when candy is the biggest goal in most kids lives. The night when wearing as little as possible and still having some sort of theme is the goal of most people in the mid-teens to 30 yrs old.

For Pet owners
(or pet parents if your one of those people)
It's a day to generate some truly humiliating photos of their pets in bizarre costumes.

Did I partake in this ritual of humiliation?

Oh hells yeah I did!!

We went with a theme based on one particularly challenging day with Piper:

World- Meet Darth Piper and Yod-ie

Clearly Yod-ie was less then thrilled with his lot in this moment.

Probably because his outfit was the wrong size altogether. (my fault)

This moment of peaceful accord between these two mortal enemies only lasted about 2 minutes. And there was some coaxing involved. I had to promise both of them I'd use the force to keep a squirrel in the yard long enough for a really good chase session*.

But the moment DID happen, and there is photographic evidence.

The Rage is caused in both dogs only lasted a moment. They have since moved on. It's nice when archnemises... archnemisi? bad guys can overcome their difference if only for a moment. 

Ah, revenge is sweet.....

*no squirrels were harmed in the staging of this photo.

Vandalism

The other night as we were sitting watching TV post dinner, a little criminal committed another crime. I mean, calling it a crime is a bit of a stretch really, since it was mainly only his stuff that was affected. Of course, I had to clean it up, I'm the one with thumbs and all.

Ah, the joy of thumbs.
Never ending.

Take a look for yourself:

As you can see, he upended the toy box and knocked everything out all by himself.

When he was done there was literally no toys left inside the box as they were strewn around the living room. I'm not sure what motivated him to do this, as he's never done it before, but it seemed like he got curious and then overjoyed.

His sister sat quietly, for a time chewing on her feet (she does that, thanks long haired dog allergies!) and then mainly just laying on a pillow. He just enjoyed the pleasure of being surrounded by all his toys at once. Using one of them at a time, but getting to them all in turn.

We laughed a good bit over it- it was entertaining to watch our tiny fella get industrious- even if it did make a giant mess of the living room. I tried to clean it all up twice, but he just kept repeating the process- he clearly knew what he wanted.

I thought it was a quirky thing that he did, and would likely never do it again.

The past 3 nights in a row he's repeated the process.
This was 2 nights later

Notice the pride?
Or at the very least the utter lack of concern for his behavior?

Yeah, he's pretty pleased with the situation.

He finds some sort of satisfaction in pulling things out one at a time and then flinging them throughout the room. And really, who wouldn't- it looks like tons of fun.

I'm actually shocked at Piper's lack of involvement in the entire thing. She has yet to help or intrude on it. She has taken a toy to play with, but never one that Odie is using at the time, and if he wants it back, she doesn't put up much of a fight (unless she wants him to chase her as a new game). She mainly just sits nearby and does her own thing. If you look really closely at the above picture, she's just licking her feet again. That's awesome.

The new challenge has become how to let the little monster have his fun without living in the toy aisle of a poorly cared for pet store. Some of these toys had never been looked at twice until this- and now he's in love with them all. It's another step closer to having an actual child- he throws toys all over, and I go around picking them up again. Hey, as long as he never becomes a belligerent teenager I'm ok with it all.

For now, I'll keep laughing at his "sneaky" ways and pick up the toys every night before bed. Maybe if we work hard on it, we can teach Piper to put the toys away and start a REALLY fun game.

For us.

Carbo Loading

I will start by saying this is clearly entirely my fault. I should have known that something I've done hundreds of times with no ill result would naturally be a problem this one time. I hang my head with the shame of it all.

On Second thought- Damn those damn dogs.

As usual, here's the back story-
Every once in a while we get a loaf of "fancy" bread from the grocery store bakery. It's a focaccia with cheese and olives, and it tastes amazingly good with oil & vinegar. We don't get it often because it's a loaf of bread that we don't really NEED, but sometimes you gotta splurge a little.

Since life has been stressful the past few weeks, and I had to run into the store after work to grab a couple of things last night, I grabbed a loaf of the "fancy" bread as a treat. Last night we both enjoyed some of it and I am gonna go out on a limb (speaking for my husband wise) and say we were eager to enjoy it again over the next few nights. I wrapped it up in its plastic and a towel to keep it fresh, on the counter as I have done 100 times over.

Who can see this coming?
You over there?
Everyone?
Yeah....

Chapter 2 starts this morning
I woke up with the assistance of Piper- she does enjoy standing up on the side of the bed RIGHT as my alarm goes off to make doubly sure I've heard it. That way I'll get out of bed faster and take her on the walk.... oh and her brother too....
Well, I got up, used the bathroom to wake up a bit, and when I opened the door, Piper was laying on the floor, and immediately rolled over and gave me her tummy for a rub. I thought to myself- Wow, she's being really great this morning, normally she bouncing and running and making me insane. Then Odie came over and snuggled up too, so they both got a few moments of petting they don't normally get.

Normally, they are running around like their butts are on fire eager to be taken out (even though they have a door to the backyard and can go out any time they want). There is a lot of bouncing and some moments of me being punched in the butt by Piper's enthusiasm. Normally, they are high energy and all over the place and generally making me want to get back in bed.

The lack of normal behavior should have been my clue something was up. The fact that I missed that can only be blamed on groggy brain having just woken up.

I walked into the main room to get the gear for our walk, when I stumbled onto an empty plastic bag. A quick glance over and I saw a towel on the floor as well.

Yeap, the plastic bag and towel that had contained 3/4 of a loaf of 'Fancy' bread.

Neither had so much as a crumb of bread in it at this moment.
Not
One
Crumb

I'm pretty sure the sound that came out of me at this point sounded something like: "WHATTHEHELLDIDYOUPEOPLEDO? WHYDOYOUKEEPDOINGTHIS? WHATISWRONGWITHYOU?"
None of that was useful, of course. Both dogs hit the floor, ears back, faces full of guilt as I cleaned up.

Note the "please don't kill me" tails that are wagging.....

After some deep cleansing breaths I got them geared up and out on their walk. Normally they get some treats as part of our daily training that happens during walks. (yes at 6:30 in the morning I'm doing training. Every day. Every damn day. Yep.) No treats today- verbal praise only. The last thing either one of these miscreants needed was more caloric intake.

As I worked through my frustration while we walked, I had to remind myself of the plus side of my criminals. Things like "no one has peed in the house anytime recently." and "At least it wasn't anything toxic this time" or "They are really sweet when they are sleeping together on the pillow". By the time we got home I had worked through the worst of my desire to bonk them on the head.

For the next hour or so of me getting ready for work, eating and watching the news Both dogs avoided me. Piper went to sleep under the table- which she never does- and Odie hid on this couch. I was thinking "aw, poor kiddos think I'm still mad" but then while I was driving to work I realized- they were in a carb induced food coma!

They had eaten an ENTIRE loaf of bread (essentially) between the 2 of them- it would be like eating a giant bowl of pasta for a person. Then they'd walked on a pretty warm morning with few breaks (I was determined to make them work a bit) and they were totally zonked out. If they had been people they would have unbuttoned their pants and said things like "ugh... why did I do that?"

For the amount they ate, I should really make them run a marathon when I get home- they'll certainly have enough carbohydrates in their systems to sustain the energy expense.

The Great Grape Adventure

This morning, I had a morning that will live in infamy.

Seriously, this one will go down as one of the greats.

Slight amount of background- The Hubs leaves for work every day at 5:30am and I usually sleep through that and get up around 6:30am, walk the pups for a while, then shower and get ready for the day. We've got this down to a routine that we can all deal with. Most days, the time the Hubs is awake and getting ready to go the dogs split their time- OD (the small kiddo) either stays in bed, or moves out to the couch in the office, where he snuggles under a blanket. Piper will wander about, following her Boy and getting pets on the head until he leaves, then she tries to wake me up by standing up on the side of the bed, then gives up and gets back in bed until my alarm goes off. Yes, she understands the alarm and that it means I am awake and moving. Crazy.

This morning, The Hubs came in to say good bye- I grunted some sort of loving word-like noises at him, and then he left. Within about 5 minutes, OD was standing up on BOTH sides of the bed to try and get my attention. I ignored it, thinking he was just being hopeful. He left and got on his couch. A beat or 2 later, my muddled mind realized I hadn't heard Piper in a while (silence is the first sign of trouble), So I perked up and listened.

I heard rustling. The sound of Feet landing heavy. More rustling.

Oh crap
Not good.

I get up and head out to the main rooms, and as  I leave the bedroom, Piper comes around the corner, walking so hunkered down she was practically crawling....

oh crap
not good.

I look in the kitchen and see a plate on the floor. I wrestle with my sleep addled brain and then realize- GRAPES! I had left some grapes out on the counter the night before.

She had pulled down the plate, picked the grapes OFF the stem (she's so delicate) and eaten maybe 15 LARGE green grapes.

Now, in case anyone doesn't know- and apparently not many do- grapes (and even more so, raisins) are toxic to dogs- they can cause renal failure and death. Some dogs are more sensitive then others, and the exact chemical cause remains unknown.

I knew this. I also knew that Piper has survived MANY incidents with the toxic chocolate in her day. I wasn't panicked at all, but I knew I wasn't going back to sleep. I grabbed my phone and got in bed to research what had to happen next.

As per usual when you research medical things on line- most of the information was VERY fatalistic. I found one article that was more even in tone, so  decided to listen to that one. Basically, it told me what COULD happen, and what to look out for, but also what I could do to help. There was one very simple thing I could do to help make sure her system rejected as much of it as possible.

Make her Barf.

Oh great. It's 5:40 am on a Thursday and my main goal in life for the next while would be to cause dog barf to happen. Oh joy!

I grab the hydrogen peroxide (look up information before using this- there is a specific weight to amount ratio, and it can easily be overdone and therefore dangerous) a spoon and a cup, and I make the dog come outside with me.

I apply the first amount and wait with her, in my pajamas, in the predawn-ish, to see if she'll vomit, and if she does what will be in it.

ugh, are you kidding me?

15 minutes later, we got nothing. So application # 2 is done- and let me tell you, she was less then thrilled about this the second time. I can't imagine why- I'm sure it tastes soooo good.......

I move her onto the driveway- a fenced in area where I can see more of what she's doing since there's no grass to hide in.
Within 5 minutes we had liftoff. We had liftoff all over the damn place. Every color and texture of liftoff you could possible handle at 6:05 in the morning. I got to inspect it even.

As far as I could tell, we had gotten all of it, or at least the vast majority of it, out of her system. I sat with her for a while out there, waiting for the effects of the peroxide to wear off. Those effects are as unpleasant to witness as they are to experience, I would wager. While I was waiting, I hear a little scratching at the door. OD is sad he's been alone for so long and wants to come out. At this point I figure what the hell and let him join in the fun. He's more interested in hunting rodents in our ivy anyway.

After about 20 more minutes, I figure the worst of it is over, so we all go inside. Mistake. Within 5 minutes of being inside, round 3 starts up, and now I'm cleaning the carpet. EVERYONE OUT- the dogs got locked in the back yard, and I got to cleaning. Eventually, the vets off ice opened, and I called in our little experience- an hour later the Vet called me back and let me know she thought everything would be fine since I got the barfing happening so quickly. Pat on my back for barf timing!

The second question- WHEN would the barfing stop? 'Cause I have to go to work eventually.... By 3 hrs, we should be in the clear? Ok, great, I can work with that- a tiny bit late to work was worth it.

I should note- through ALL of this mess, Piper stayed her attention starved moonie-eyed self. She just wanted to be with me the entire time, even when I was practically throwing her outside mid- vomit. Her sweet disposition just doesn't change for anything when she's home with us. No matter what the circumstance. You have to admire that just a little bit.

So a few hours, and a lot of vomit later and everything was cleared up. We'll keep an eye on her for a couple of days, but it looks like we're most likely in the clear at this point. If we see any signs of odd behavior or changes in eating/ drinking habits we'll rush her to the Dr, but for now she seems to be doing fine.

As for me, I don't know what will happen now, I'm tired, for sure, but now I'll be so paranoid to be asleep when The Hubs leaves for work in the morning.... I think I have a new alarm for a few days....

Assault with hot acid

So, of my 2 kids, the majority of the .... quirks belong to Piper. She had the rougher start to life, and is therefore saddled with more of the emotional and developmental baggage. Poor nutter.

There is one thing though, that belongs entirely to Odie.
Water

He is TERRIFIED of water. In all forms, at all times, for all reasons.

I use the same joke all the time, He seems to think it's hot hot acid that will burn and kill him slowly. Every time he hears water coming from whatever source he takes off like his ass is on fire, to hide deep in the depths of whatever blanket he can find. If I am holding him and dare to walk towards a water source (sink, shower, hose) he will start to breathe differently, his body goes stiff and he tries to climb up and over me to get away from it- even when the water is OFF.

He is totally mental.

The most entertaining, and frustrating, moment of dealing with this is when it's raining out and its time for a walk. Now, my little criminal is always game for a walk- he'll even hang in on a long hike that his little legs are struggling to keep up with. So we'll get him all geared up and open the door, only to see his face change completely from "YAY! WALK!" to "OH DEAR GOD WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" He has been known to try to back out of his collar in an effort to not be scalded by the acid falling from the sky in the worlds attempt to kill him specifically.

'Cause you know, that happens.

I can't help but laugh every time. I know I shouldn't cause it's open mockery of his terror, but I can't help it. The same thing he runs to drink at the end of every day could also kill him if it touches him on the outside? It just defies logic. His face when he's that scared is just so damn cute too. It's hilarious.

When it's raining out, and we're going for a walk, I notice all the more the individual nature of each of my creatures.
Odie, convinced he's going to die, does his best to run between raindrops or rush to every protected spot on the path.
Piper reminds me of the kids who run out in galoshes specifically to jump in puddles. She loves it and/or doesn't even notice it.

Every now and again, she will pick up on Odie's panic and balk at going out, but if we do everything fast enough for her to not notice, she's game for getting wet and smelling new smells and getting wet again. It's so enthusiastic and adorable, it's hard not to laugh just as much at her as I am at Odie's sheer terror.

On regular days, it's just good to know if I ever want a moments peace I just turn on the water. Brushing my teeth sends him running. Washing my hands practically has him on the ceiling. The Hubs changing the water in the fish tank nearly has him at the emergency vet's office.

Good thing for him his master, The Hubs, has an irregular amount of sympathy for him and consoles him constantly. Also good for him the power of a blanket over the head really does work to block out the evil acid. Between those 2 things, he's protected, and we're very careful not to mess with that. The game isn't fun if there's no safe zone, after all.

Forever!

Oh my god it's been forever since I updated here. I'm sure my mother is terribly disappointed in me- HI Mom! Sorry!

My criminals have been growing up and finding more and more time to behave themselves worked into our days. It might not be as ample for writing, but it sure is nice to live with. We have started a refresher training course for Piper, so I'm sure there will be more material from that Soon.

I do have one thing to write about- So i'll do that right now, but I wanted to take a second to recognize the time lapse, and let you know I'm thinking about it, and working on it

Sorry mom!

International Law

I just took my first, real, grown up trip to Europe.

We went to Italy for a week, hitting Rome and Naples/ Pompeii (which is spelled Pompei in Italy, BTW- and yet Spell check keeps saying NO YOU'RE WRONG).

Of course, because The Hubs and I are both unapologetic dog people, we spent much of the trip pointing out local dogs to each other.

Yes, it went as you imagine. We're standing next to ruins of buildings that were built in like 4000 BC and going "babe- chihuahua in a jacket!" "Aw, So cute!"

Because that is how we vacation.

yeah, I know.

Anyway, it was interesting to see how italians treat their dogs differently. It was different even between the 2 cities. Being a foreigner I was able to seperate myself and take note of it all, and try to take away something as well.

The only time we saw dogs in jackets, was in Rome. There are dogs who live and are cared for in Pompeii's ruins- they have been there for generations and continue to be part of the local lore. Naples was a more gritty relationship to dogs, no jackets, but still a part of the fabric of the city.

Overall the breeds we saw most commonly were Jack russell/ Fox terriers and german Shephards. I was SHOCKED as they are both demanding breeds who require a good bit of exercise to be happy, and we were in areas that are most definitely CITY. There were also some chihuahuas and mutts and retriever mixes.

I wondered how these folks do it, cause there's not a lot of green space available, and the apartments have to be pretty tiny. Then I realized something- these people take their dogs EVERYWHERE with them. I saw dogs enter grocery stores, pharmacies and restaurants. One night as we ate dinner outside, we looked into the interior of the restaurant to see a bichon sitting at a table, waiting for her mother to finish dinner. Like, sitting up on the chair, face table height (when she wasn't lying down) off leash like a person waiting. NO one flinched. No one even minded when said dog got down and walked around the restaurant. They just stepped over her, or shooed her out of the way, and she moved, and it was no big deal.

If that happened in the US, the place would be closed down for health violations and the owner would never open a food establishment again.

Now, this dog never used the place as a toilet, she never licked anything, she never blocked a doorway or tripped anyone. She knew her place and was never demanding attention from anyone. She was just living in the space with her mom, each doing their own thing.

I never saw people bending down to pet other peoples dogs, but I did see folks respecting the space a dog was in. It was almost as if the dogs were as much a part of society as the people around them. You don't stare at passerby, you just know they are there, and take note of them soas to not walk into them. The leashes were always long enough for the dog to walk comfortably, but not so long as to be very far away from the human on the other end. They never had more then a foot or 2 of leeway.

The only bouncy jumpy dog I saw on leash was a puppy. Like 4 months old most likely puppy. They can't help being bouncy, it's part of puppy-ness. Everyone else would just walk politely and stop and start according to the person they were with. They were treated as DOGS, and they reacted in kind.

We even walked the Dog park in Rome ('cause I am such a nerd I wanted to see a roman dog park.... Yes, I know.) and saw them all running around and playing. There were no real fights, and only one dog acted a fool that we saw, and ironically he was owned by an American expat. They all came when called.... within the first few calls anyway. They all played well and never left the vague boundaries of the park.

In Naples, there were more homeless folks with their dogs, and a more urban attitude overall. A couple of strays walking around and such. Again, the dogs were just there, a part of life that everyone saw and acknowledged, but didn't fuss over. Again the dogs were calm, well behaved and pretty healthy.

What I took away from it (and hopefully its not too late to apply this to my kids) is that if you state the expectation, set them up to achieve it and then just let them be dogs- chances are you will end up with a well balanced animal in your life. Take them out into the world, let them be part of the every day life, don't fuss, don't bother, just have them there.

Here is the US we tend to make sure a deal about our BABIES and their needs.... which we've put onto them the majority of the time. They mainly need food, play, affection, warmth, room to roam and guidelines for behavior. Once they have that, everything else is what we decide for them. No dog NEEDS to eat organic steak and carrots every night... trust me, wait long enough with the kibble out, and eventually they'll eat it. We've fussed over them so much that we've lost sight of the dogness of it all.

So, the italian lifestyle taught me things, not only about myself, but about dogs. La Dolca Vita is really just being a part of your loved ones world, but still retaining what makes you unique- be you dog or human. When you have that, everything else falls into place.

Also, the food was amazing.

Which has nothing to do with dogs but is totally true.

A Smell by Any Other Name

It's been a while since I've updated here. I have no excuses beyond being uncertain of anyone reading this AND just life in general.

Recently, one of our in home criminals added a new crime to her list. It was an Assault on the senses caused by her own misdeeds.

Basically, Piper's habit of getting into and eating really inappropriate things (the latest additions to this are a sharpie, a highlighter and sticks!) have caused her system to get junked up, and her anal glands have reacted in due course.

A couple of months ago, we noticed she was getting extra stinky in a way we hadn't experienced before. After a few days, it had gotten so bad I was convinced there was something wrong and we headed into the vet's office. It turned out her anal glands had become impacted.

I had the joy and pleasure of being in the room when they drained her glands out. If you have never had the pleasure of smelling that, let me tell you- DON'T DO IT! It is a smell that you retain for hours. It haunts you for a couple of days on and off. It goes way beyond a normal gland drain that the groomer might do that has a slight aroma to it. This is WAY bigger and MUCH grosser.

Just as a Tidbit of info- the groomer can work with the glands from the outside- the Dr gets all up in there and drains the hell out of it. Even the Doctor agreed with me when I said to her "this must be one the least enjoyable parts of the job".

By the time the glands have gotten full enough and infected enough to become impacted, things have taken a really gnarly turn for the animal. Our poor girl had been worrying at her glands for days, and we hadn't noticed how bad it had gotten until the smell started to invade the entire house. Fortunately, we got her in before it ruptured, and got her on her antibiotics. She LOVES taking pills because there's peanut butter involved, and bless her heart she doesn't look past that to find the pill inside.

We got her through her treatment cycle, get her better, and changed her diet slightly to up her fiber levels, hoping that would help her system stay in the reset position. We were doing really well for a while. She hadn't gotten into anything and eaten bathroom items, or office supplies. It all added up to a healthy girl for a few months.

Then she ate a marker. Then we ran out of her diet supplement (canned pumpkin!). Then time to eat a highlighter. Then the smell started to come back.... So, yet again I had to drag her into the vet's office to get her glands drained. Fortunately this time we caught it just when the glands were just full, not impacted.

It's so frustrating, because if she just didn't do the one thing, she wouldn't have to deal with the other. I mean, come ON- a highlighter can't possibly taste that good. It just can't.

The price we have to pay is a truly stinky dog. When her glands start to become an issue, the smell is something that can't be denied or ignored. her crimes send us all to a level of punishment. Granted our punishment is much easier then hers, no one is stinking their fingers anywhere on us- it's just a smell.

Now, if we could just convince Piper that eating writing implements or anything in the 'lotion' category is a bad idea, regardless of how yummy it may smell, we'll be much happier overall.

SHELTER UPDATE- a true lady

Shelter stories

Working at the shelter as a volunteer has afforded me the opportunity to meet some truly fantastic dogs. Some of them come with baggage that means they stay at the shelter for longer then they deserve. It's a sad truth that less then ideal circumstances become a temporary home for these critters, but we do all we can to make them content while they're with us.

One of our current long term residents is a GORGEOUS blue pit bull lady named Garbo.

Garbo is young- about a year old- and a total goofball. She loves to play and be snuggled. She's very smart, and is truly a prefect example of all the positives of her breed. She's built for speed, but would rather sit on your foot. We've been working on her training and she has a solid Sit, and her Stay is getting rather good as well.

The only Crime this lovely lady has committed was being born a breed that gets a bad rap. Yes, there are bad and vicious pit bulls- some because they were abused violently once they arrived on the planet, some are just born that way. The fact is the same can be said of ANY breed of dog. Or Human, for that matter. The only thing different about this breed is the tendency humans have to abuse them into becoming violent, and their ability to do damage based on their size and physicality.

They are also loyal, gentle, and very smart. They will happily grow fat and old and be doted upon. They will make sure your house and family are protected while allowing your kids to yank, pull and play all over them without a flinch. The key to all of it is picking the right dog for the right family, regardless of size, shape or breed.

On the day I spent a long chunk of alone time with Garbo, we went into the play yard to get some exercise. She was so eager to go, she practically pulled me there like a sled dog (they don't get out every day, so every chance they have becomes a moment of GREAT ENTHUSIASM, which can be...... humorous). We spent some time just running in circles and sniffing every spot any dog had touched earlier that day.

Then it was Toy time.

The best time EVER.

Garbo very carefully selected her first toy out of the toy basket we keep in the yard. She played with it for a few minutes, I threw it around for her a bit, and a grand old time was had.

Then that got old.

So, she went and got another toy- more playing, more throwing, more running around.

And another.

And another.

By the time she had 4 toys out, I started trying to pick up the discarded ones, putting them on the bench, on their way back to the bucket.

This was totally uncool.

Garbo was very offended by my efforts to take away her carefully selected options. She wasn't truly content until she had about 7 toys actively being enjoyed. We played for almost a half hour, with toys being interchanged in the game as if they were all part of one bigger game.

I was able to reach into the mouth of this big scary 'dangerous' dog and yank toys out with no trouble at all. The only negative result was my being covered in a LOT of dog slobber. Not my favorite part of the job, but you get used to it.

Her ability to identify individual toys, and know that I had moved them, even while she was off doing something else really impressed me. She showed an intellect beyond what most young children have. Even while she was playing, when I asked her to sit for a toy, her butt hit the ground promptly. She had figured out very quickly that when I asked her to sit, she got to chase a toy, and was totally in for it.

Obviously, I have fallen a little bit in love with this dog. I find her to be absolutely gorgeous on every level. Her eyes are filled with intellect and a sad sweetness- she wants to bond with a family so very much. When she has her faced rubbed, she relaxes and I immediately conjure up an image of her sleeping by someone's feet, snoring and happy. She has committed no crime, and she deserves to be broken out of this shelter SOON. She will be an excellent hiking buddy, and friend. She represents a lot of other dogs I've encountered as well. Really lovely creatures who need space to run and people to understand their quirks and challenges.

This face deserves to be looked upon with love every day. She is a dear creature and I have such a strong desire to see good things for her. I want good things for all our... I'm gonna call them tenants.... but some in particular find a way into your heart and become special projects. Garbo has become that for me, as well as many other people who work at the shelter. We all adore her.

The true crime here is that not enough people outside of our staff have realized how great she is....

(see what I did there, I turned the "crime" thing on its head... Yep, I did it. And I meant it.)

Graffiti

OK, so I promised there were more stories to be told. I did not lie. There are ALWAYS stories to be told.....

A couple weeks ago we had a VERY active house. You've already read about the trespassing/ bloody muzzle incident, right? if not, scroll on down, read up on that one. Then imagine on the time line of events, 2-3 days prior to THAT, This happened:

On a Friday morning, I put the kiddos in their crate for the day before leaving for work. They have to still be crated because when they are left out, they get into trouble. Trouble of the ER vet office sort. So, crated they are, every day, together in a large crate, and they don't mind it one bit, I swear. When they get put away in their "house" they get a treat, or something fun to chew on. This particular Friday I knew they'd have a slightly longer day in front of them, so I gave them some rawhide style chews to occupy themselves with. We'd given them before, but the last couple had been sitting in a box in the cupboard for many weeks, so I gave those over and got myself out to work.

What I had forgotten about was WHY those had just been sitting there for weeks. Our delicate flower Piper tends to go through them way too fast, making her teeth and gums bloody and her stomach upset, which results in her either being horribly gassy or downright sick.

On this particular day, she must have been extra speedy because that girl got SICK. She literally shitted her way around that crate in what seemed like an explosive escape attempt. There was shit on the wall behind the crate (all the way to the floor boards) under their mat in the crate, all over the mat in the crate, all over Piper herself, and Odie got hit as well.

Poor, poor Odie- just sitting there, trying to nap when KABOOM! His sister's butt explodes and he gets hit with shrapnel.

For ONCE, I was not the one to discover this madness. These things usually happen when my hubby isn't home for some reason, so I was SHOCKED to hear of this occurring from him. Then I secretly did a happy dance that I wasn't the one stuck dealing with it right away- I had warning.

I got home to a VERY stinky house, and some truly messy dogs. The Hubby was partway through cleaning up the disaster area, having focused on things like the walls, floors and launderables first, shit covered dogs second.

There were Shitty footprints all over the rug in that room, as well as 2 rooms connected- he had missed the fact that it has worked its way through the hairs on Piper's paws, and she was walking around.

So. Freaking. Gross

I sent him to the showers with the dogs ( he was already a mess, so why not?) and I took to cleaning the floors and carpet. Fortunately, it was relatively confined and not huge amounts, so the cleaning process was straight- forward, if time consuming. Eventually everyone and everything was back to normal.... and the smell eventually faded too.

We were very proud of our youthful exciting Friday night......

The next day, we did our weekend things, in and out of the house/ crate, running errands, fulfilling obligations, etc. By late afternoon things had settled down a bit, and The Hubby and I were trying to figure out what we'd do with our night. As we sat on the office couch to discuss this, Odie did his favorite thing and jumped up with us to claim us as his.

"What's that smell?" Asks The Hubby

"I can't smell it... oh god, thats shit", is my reply.

We lock eyes and immediately look down at our innocent little Odie.

I lift him up and turn him to one side.

HUGE shit smear all down his side.

He has found SOMETHING in the yard and decided to go for a new look with it. Just rolled in it like it was finger paint and then come back inside like nothing happened.

We both start laughing, gagging, screaming, jumping up, laughing some more and gathering up everything he had touched to be thrown BACK in the laundry.

The upside was this time it wasn't on his feet, so it was only things that had touched his side..... awesome......

The Hubby took the hit again, and got BACK in the shower with the dog, once again scrubbing shit out of dog fur with his bare hands (don't worry there was appropriate sanitizing done after)

in an effort to put everything back to rights.

I took laundry duty this time, as well as sniffing things to make sure there wasn't lingering particles we couldn't see in the evening light.

Yes, I sniffed things purposely to see if they smelled like shit.

What has my life come to? Sigh.

Again, post bath and laundry- everything was fine. We had a good laugh, and discussed WHY does he keep doing this? Why must one of our kids be a Shit roller? and most importantly, WHY do we have these horribly gross creatures in our home again?

We took that night to sit at home and watch movies again. After struggling your way through shit clean up for the second time in 2 days, the idea of putting on decent clothes to go out... losses appeal to say the least. The dogs curled up and chilled out with us, redeeming themselves by being cute and sweet and CLEAN.

Charges were pressed for both incidents of shit smeared graffiti, both of the accused admitted guilt and accepted their sentence. Time served, they are now both out on probation.

Ugh, gross.

Trespassing

Ok, so we had a active couple of weeks not long ago. Now that the excitement has subsided, I can finally try and catch up with it all.... but where to begin? The shit smears? the bloody muzzle? the excited visitor?

See? I told you it was active.

Ok, I think the most concerning on that list is the bloody muzzle, so I'll start there, so as not to create a panic.

I think it's been made pretty clear on here that one of my pups is a bit of a social misfit. Thats right, our girl Piper! It's not her fault she doesn't know how to deal with the rest of her species, but it is something we have to work with her on constantly. Every walk is a training session, every encounter with an unfamiliar dog is a challenge.... you guys know the drill at this point.

Well, on a lovely Monday night a couple of weeks ago, my ambitious Hubby geared up the dogs to take them on a little run- really make everyone good and tired. Now, this initofitself is a bit of a moment of insanity. To run with a tiny dog and a mid-sized one who work at very different speeds is a questionable proposition. Then factor in that the mid-sized one reacts like a crazy person to other dogs in the neighborhood and increased speed of a run.... Yes, I question the sanity of this decision.

They made it about 6 blocks from the house, then turned down a side road, and came to a yard the Hubby knew had the occasional canine resident- he looked ahead and didn't see said dog in the yard so proceeded forward as if he was good to go past it.

It seems he just didn't see the silent unmoving dog standing at the fence. Piper did though. She bolted across the Hubby's path, cutting him off, and jamming her face between the planks of the fence of this dog's yard. He reacted to the invasion by quietly biting the end of her muzzle- which she pulled back instantly.

The end result was not a hard bite, but some deep scrapes under her nose and on her muzzle in the front. Right in the whisker area. There was a decent amount of blood pretty quickly. The Hubby checked Piper out, saw it wasn't horribly serious, but definitely needed some tending and took everyone home as quickly as possible. He called the vet, which was closed already, and found out that she could probably wait until morning to be seen. Then he called me..... I stayed calm, but was of course concerned. He wanted me to come home right away and check her to see if we needed the ER vet.

I got home about 25 minutes later, and loved on my girl while checking her injuries. She was clearly hurt, but since it was essentially surface wounds, I agreed we could wait until morning. I DID clean it out with hydrogen peroxide though.

If you have not had the opportunity to clean out a facial wound on a dog with hydrogen peroxide.... You have not wrestled with a dog.

She was NOT thrilled with this situation one bit.

I literally sat on her stomach, grabbed her face as gently, but firmly as I could, and had the hubby hand me wet Q-tips one at a time like a nurse in surgery. It took what felt like an hour but was probably only about one minute. I was sweating, she was shocked, we were both DONE at that point.

Good times.

The vet the next morning shaved down the injured area so they could get a good look at it and make sure the damage was as estimated (it was) and some antibiotics. The shaved area looked really silly, and Piper did NOT enjoy being taken in back for that process. She came back out and ran to me, jumped into my lap (hello 36 lbs of dog) as if she had survived a house fire or something. She has literally never been so happy to see me in her entire life.

I was also concerned about the ramifications of the incident- she was already a handful around other dogs, would a bite make it worse? I even wrote our trainer an email to ask for advice on how to handle it to try and head off any behavior backslides. She told me to just steer clear of that house and keep an eye on it.

After a few days of keeping an eye on it, we realized with clarity- Piper don't give a shit.

Seriously, NOTHING changed in her behavior. I mean for a few days she didn't like me rubbing her muzzle- ok, fine, it hurts, no problem; but her reactions to other dogs on the walks- not a lick of difference. It's like it never happened at all.

Um. ok, really?

I mean, good, but..... I was all geared up for emotional warfare..... and nothing?

Right.

Good. No, thats good. Just unexpected. Good though.

At this point, her meds are complete, and scars are healing, but she will probably always have funny skin right there. The only lingering impact seems to be the hair on her muzzle is all cockeyed now. In due time that section of face will be as puppet like as the rest of her is- all shaggy and messy.

So, her assault charges have been dropped with a warning- Do NOT Trespass.

murder.....?

Have I mentioned our small dog is a bit of a hunter? I think I have.

Well, even the worst hunter's bag something once in a while.

Even the worst ones......

here's what happened that made my dog equal to one of the worst ones.

A few days back, I came home from an after work class, and let the dogs back out. They were due for dinner, but they needed to go outside, so I let them out, encouraging that they get down to business, and then came in to prep dinner.

Big Girl Piper came in, as she is always following a human rather then be by herself anywhere. Odie stayed outside - which is not terribly unusual.

I set out dinner, called Odie, and he came barreling in. They sat and waited for dinner, I put bowls down, and Piper dug in. Odie, in an act of true bizarre-ness, took off and went back outside. I was stunned, but figured he was on the trail of something and picked his food back up for later.

When he came back in, I gave him dinner, he ate, and then once again, took off like his butt was on fire. At this point, Piper and I had moved on to the TV portion of the evening.

Eventually Odie came back inside, hung out for a little while, then disappeared into the office, which is normal. What wasn't normal was a few minutes later when I heard him being very active in there. Normally he just curls up on the couch and chills. The movement and jumping noises are odd. After a couple of minutes of this, I got up and went to check out what he was doing.

As I leaned towards the office, I flicked a light on, and for some reason, looked at the floor. Thats when I saw it

A dead bird.

Which had clearly been tossed around the room for the past few minutes.

And Odie

Standing, proud of himself for having killed the (hopefully!) already dead thing.

I used some words. I won't repeat them. You can draw your own conclusions.

After heading off Piper from getting involved, and getting Odie out of the room, I cleaned up the dead bird. It was really gross, and I felt bad for the poor thing. All I could hope for was the bird had been dead before Odie found it, and it wasn't him killing it outside before he brought it in that was keeping him occupied instead of eating dinner.

So, basically, his desert was Dead bird with a side of FLING! YAY!

gross.

gone AWOL

So, time has passed, but one thing remains the same- my dogs are crazy people.

They are both very sweet, very loving, and very charming when they want to be. They are also totally and completely mental.

Case in point- when we go on walks and encounter other dogs, they both go kind of deaf, dumb and blind to anything else- including the human attached to the other end of the leash.

Odie gets over it pretty quickly when we restrict him from getting to the other dog. Just keep walking, and drag him along behind and in a couple of minutes he stops struggling, and moves onto the next thing. One of the joys of having a dog who weighs 15 lbs- there's not much he can do if you don't want him to. Piper on the other hand.... Once that girl focuses on something, breaking her of it is a test for anyone. She locks on and will NOT be distracted for anything.

This has made walking a true challenge. We got our phenominal trainer out to help us, and she gave us exercises to use to help Piper learn that other dogs weren't something that needed to be attacked, just things to be walked past. It's going to be an ongoing process for the next few... YEARS.... sigh.... but she is getting better. Tiny, miniscule bit by bit.

Things we still deal with on our walks are the neighborhood dogs that Piper knows about. She anticipates them, and starts to do a routine I like to call "suiting up" for her encounter. Which is ridiculous 'cause she never actually comes in contact with any of them, but whatever.

She starts walking taller, ears forward, shoulders tense, and breathing like she's about to jump into a cold lake. She starts this about 4 houses away from whichever dog house she's about to come up on. Then as we get even closer, we start the distraction techniques we've worked with the trainer on. That usually gets us through the pass by section relatively well. After that, she will still breathe heavily and occasionally get a good foaming at the mouth going.

We'll go through this several times over the course of a walk some days. Meanwhile, little Odie is attached to my hip, and he just keeps motoring like none of this is interesting anymore. He's been through it so many times that he is now completely unimpressed and unmoved by the excitment. I think part of him is over Piper's outbursts too. If he could talk he'd probably just be telling her to cut it out so he could get to the rest of his walk already.

The worst of all the encounters we have to face is this one particular house. They have 2 small, and yet overweight, chihuahuas in a chain link fenced in yard. They live on a corner, so we get to face them in the side and the front of the house. I call them the Monsters.

The Monsters are not only not discouraged from bum rushing the fence and challenging all comers, but are even let out of the front door specifically to do it. They charge, bark, shriek, challenge, growl, bare teeth, you name it, they do it, and they will continue to do it until you're about 3 houses away. Needlessto say this makes Piper totally lose her mind. It presses all of her buttons several times over. There have been days where The Monsters get so aggressive, and Piper reacts so strongly, that Odie gets going and growling too, and they are both wrapped around my legs that I get really unsettled that someone is gonna get hurt, and there's a very good chance it'll be me.

I've learned to prepare myself better as we approach this house, and to always be hopeful the Monsters will be locked away and not even know we're passing by. I try not to anticipate the madness too much, because I know Piper can feel that tension. I try to project Odie's calm, "whatever, we're walking its all good" demeanor into every step.

Doesn't always work.

I have to admit I've come to hate those Little Monsters a lot.

Not overly fond of the owners who let them out to terrorize any and all passerby either.

I mean, I've been out running by myself and those Monsters do the same thing to me through the fence. It's just insanity.

I will say, every time we make it past that house without incident I am thrilled. Every time we have to pass by the Monsters temper tantrums I send them mental wishes of going mute or suddenly losing the ability to comprehend us. Some days I avoid the house altogether because I'm just too damn tired to deal with it. In my book that is a completely valid way to deal.

All told, the walks get a little better all the time, but they are still something that tries my patience and some days fill me with dread. It reminds me of how socially stunted my big criminal is, no matter HOW sweet she is when she wants us to love her. She was damaged by a family of people who had no idea what to do with her, and now we're trying to tell a stubborn, opinionated teenager to do things our way......

It's a miracle we're all still standing... and walking.

time lapse

Well, there has been quite the time lapse since a blog entry, hasn't there?

I can explain!

Ok, not really, beyond things got busy and the dogs mostly settled into a routine, and the trainer came and helped us, and things got busy.

I didn't even get to the shelter very much over the past couple of months- its been a challenge to get my usual amount of time there. Poor pups barely had time to get to know me, and my hand feeding them treats before I disappeared again.

After the next couple of things, things will settle down, life will loosen its strangle hold on me, and I will get back to having time to getting super frustrated by four legged creatures while simultaneously wanting to take all of them home and cuddle on the couch with them. Yes, even my own personal criminals. I even want to let them on the couch sometimes.

And then Piper Farts.

and I remember why we don't do that anymore.

So, chins up folks, I'm working on it, I swear. Hopefully new content VERY soon. Don't give up on me yet.

thanks

-Seaweed

Forward Motion

Despite all the activities that made me want to open the front door and wish the dogs well, I didn't.

Never even came close, really.

Ok, maybe for a second.

But I promise you, anyone who says they've never hit that point with their animals is either nuts, lying, or not taking very good care of them.

After hitting this point of frustration and wondering if we were really the right family for these pooches- We called in the cavalry- our trainer. She had worked with Piper in a group class setting a few months back (anyone remember the Helicopter move? Yeah, it was that class) and we'd done pretty well considering. Time for some more focused attention and new tricks.

In the meantime, freedoms got taken away, and a new schedule was established. There was to be no more wandering the house with no humans present. So much for getting into stuff when no one was looking. We also realized that not enough energy was being burned- so there are new walks added into the mix.

This requires me to get up even earlier then I already did and walking them for 20-30 minutes every day. 6:45am EVERY day, I'm out there with the monsters, trying to wear them out a little. His Boy (as the Husband is known in our house) is supposed to take them on a similar walk every day after work. That doesn't always happen, but we're getting there.

After we got all that started, we finally had our first visit with our trainer, the magic lady, Nadia. We had 3 things to address with her, the walks being a hot mess with BOTH dogs lunging at every dog they saw was the first one.

This had proven to be quite the pain in my ass when I'm walking both of them and barely awake. But they do- they Lunge and make noise and pull and make general nuisances of themselves every time they see another dog around. I used to think it was a desperate attempt to make a connection and play, but recently it's taken a more "let me at 'em!" tone. I can't have that- uncivilized dogs are unacceptable in my book. More then that, it was giving me shoulder aches and at least once every other day, a moment where I was convinced I was gonna get pulled onto my face flat on the cement. None of this is a good idea.

We showed Nadia the undesired behavior and she immediately had a "game" for us to use to break the habit of trying to get to every dog on the planet. It's something we incorporate into every walk we go on. There's a second part of it, which discourages the yanking on the leash we were contending with as well. This has made walks a very involved process- which is super fun at 6:45 am, let me tell you. BUT- we are making progress, slow (and begrudging on Piper's part), but progress nonetheless.

Next up, we're going to work on front door behavior. We'd like to achieve Polite, as opposed to the current Frantic. It will be another multi step process that will be a daily activity. As all training is, sadly. No magic bullets yet..... but maybe someday.

(OMG how great would that be? A magic pill you give the dog and you get like 5 days of solid communication where you can EXPLAIN everything to them and they understand, and then they chose behaviors based on logic and desire to make everyone happy together..... Science! I call upon you to get on that crap! Whoever does will be a bagillionaire in like 5 minutes. I promise. )

This is part of bringing home a slightly damaged dog- a rescue who wasn't entirely well cared for in her formative stages. Odie's quick responses to anything the walks, flies, or scurries doesn't help the situation one bit. He's a lover of the chase, and enjoys getting his sister into the act. He gives up quickly though, and Piper just won't quit. She doesn't know how to give up, because she was never properly discouraged from fixations.

Nadia has already been a balm to my frazzled nerves. She's teaching us how to be better wardens to the criminals. She's reminding me to stay calm, as they are only simple creatures who aren't intentionally making me insane. She's reminding the Hubby that trust has to be earned, and guilt shouldn't make us choose things that aren't right for the pups. We're both learning to work together and listen to each other a bit more.

While all this learning is going on, there are still moments where all I want to do is crawl into the bathtub with some headphones on and pretend none of it is real. Sadly, even in the tub I can hear the chaos going on outside the door. Sometimes there's even a nose or 2 on the shower door asking me when I'm gonna come out and play again.

Sigh.

Cute, but..... Ok, fine I'm coming.

It is my job, as warden to the criminals, to make sure they are rehabilitated though, so taking a deep breath and doing what is best for everyone is part of that job. Apparently, so is waking up really early, and facing the world despite being blurry eyed and fuzzy headed (mostly literally) every morning for the exercise and training. Not my favorite part of the job, to be sure, but hopefully sometime in the next few years I can retire, and just be a regular Joe, hangin' with her pups, who don't care so much anymore.

Ah, retirement..... that'll be a good day. For now, I take pleasure in having called on one of the best trainers I could ask for helping us. I also enjoy the moments where we find a sweet spot with training and things click in and work right. Those moments are usually fleeting, but it gives me hope for a future where walks are enjoyable again, and there's a possibility of being able to come through my front door with out stepping on anyone.

If you're LA local and want the info on our miracle worker trainer- you can find her info here: http://www.thebarkingbunch.com/

I can't say enough good things, seriously.

At a complete and utter loss

OMG these dogs.

O

M

G

The husband didn't help anyone on this one either. Sorry babe, but it's true.

Last night, after work and a post work gym session, I FINALLY make it home, ready for dinner and sleep. As I pull up, my 2 favorite criminals were sitting in the front window waiting for me. I thought to myself "is there really anything better then that?" and looked forward to cuddling with them on the floor once I got myself settled and showered.

Between my car pulling up and me getting in the house the little one took off for the backyard. Not the weirdest thing ever, but not entirely normal either.

I soon found out why.

Someone (cough coughpiper Cough) had weaseled their way into my bathroom kit from my trip last weekend, and pulled out EVERYTHING in there. Might as well have turned it upside and shaken in.

Ok, so I found things in stages- The first thing was on the rug by the front door- it'd clearly been dragged over there to occupy some time while waiting for me to come home. It was my nice, pricey (well price-ier anyway) moisturizer with SPF in it, it got turned into this:

(side note- really recommend this brand of skin care- cruelty free and smells yummy)

Yeah.... there was lotion all over the rug. So, that was awesome. I was like- how did you get this.... OH NO! As the realization of what had happened dawned on me.

I started yelling at everyone... who was Piper, 'cause Odie had taken off and was hiding in the back yard, 'cause he's not stupid all the time. Piper crouched into her "Please, don't kill me, I didn't mean it" pose which leaves me no room at all to keep yelling at her.

As I head into the office, I see this:

(sorry for blurry, my rage made for kinda crappy picture taking)

What you see there is the remains of 2 plastic sandwich bags, 1 more moisturizer container- in pieces, 1 bar of body glide (a thing runners use to prevent chafing, no matter what it sounds like), several gobs of the actual lotion, and a couple of hair ties. That was all I could fit into the picture, there was also some Q-Tips, a few more shards of plastic bag and bottle label also in that room.

More screaming, more cowering.

I rounded the final corner into the master bathroom where the kit had been stored on the floor, waiting for me to finish unpacking it, and found the cherry on top of this entire experience:

Yep- the remaining content of the white bag thats in front of the toilet. Toothbrush, soap, head bands, MANY bobby pins, another empty plastic bag, several Floss containers, etc. Dumped all over the floor and sifted through for the "good stuff". The toothpaste I can't remember if I still had in there or not is gone completely- no sign of it at all. So, that might be down someone's gullet at this point.

I utterly lost my mind. There was not a person in the family who was safe at that moment. The Husband is lucky he was at class when this all went down (although if he'd been home it wouldn't have happened, vicious cycle there) because I had told him several times that Piper kept stealing out of the bathroom so he either had to lock the kids up or close that door very specifically.

You see, the best part of this is- they NEVER do this stuff when The husband is gonna be the first one home. Nor, do they eat his stuff. Nope, they wait for it to be my turn, and then they stealthily find MY crap- usually pricey- and EAT IT WHOLE.

3 days prior I had found Odie chewing on the remains of a mascara tube they'd stolen out of my gym bag. We didn't catch Piper 'cause she'd already discarded her half of that prize.

But man were their lashes lovely.

So, I'm the lucky one who gets to come home to this total mess, and financial burden, and lose my mind. I have never screamed at them like that before. It only lasted maybe 45 seconds before I gave up and just started cleaning up. Their ultimate punishment was the solid stonewall style ignoring they got for the remained of the evening. That drives Piper insane- she HATES being ignored. She tried everything- behaving like a good girl, sitting quietly and staring at me, coming up and trying to put her head on my knee- you name the game, and she played it.

Nope, not working today cookie- Momma is on the verge of a meltdown.

Yes, I was worried about them getting sick, but quite frankly, they're gotten into so much stuff at this point, I kinda wait to see what happens. Since they were both acting normally (and guiltily) I just left it at that, as opposed to paying insane ER prices for something that might be fine. We'll keep an eye on them for the next couple of days, and I hope I don't regret that at any point, but right now it's the best we can do. If I rushed them to get X-rays every time they broke into something and ate it, we'd have to sell the house.

I've never had this before- my previous dogs were either insanely limited to where they were allowed to go in the house (regretful of that choice, trust me) or just POLITE enough to not pull this crap. I've tried to be really aware of setting them up for success by not giving them access to things that seem tempting- the food cabinet, the bathroom, Flip flops laying around (thats an Odie thing I still can't explain). I realize, crap happens, but man- steam was coming out of my ears on this one. It's gonna linger for a little while before it finally subsides. I am just SO tired of things getting trashed- MY THINGS- for no apparent reason.

Next up on the agenda- Longer walks, more things to chew on, and more closed doors around the house, and most likely a good long negotiation session between husband and wife to make all those things happen.

Until all those come to pass- Probation. All of you. Behave.

Re-education

Of our 2 dogs- both of which are terrier mixes (as best we can tell)- Piper is definitely our needy child. They are both VERY interested in being with us as much as possible, (which is apparently a very terrier trait no one told me about) but Odie can and will occasionally wander off on his own. Piper on the other hand can only be convinced to spend time on her own if she KNOWS we're not going anywhere or doing anything interesting. By interesting I mean moving from one room to the other, or opening a kitchen cabinet.

The other day I got off of work a little early and was able to head home to let the dogs out before dark, and hang out with them in the yard. They had been cooped up for about 7+ hours at this point, I would think the FIRST thing they'd do would be bolt outside to use the facilities. Well, they did head outside after a couple minutes of following me around, and determining I wasn't going to take them on a walk. We all headed outside, and Odie started stalking around, doing what dogs do- protecting the border, establishing no intruders of the squirrel or bird variety had crossed the line.

Piper on the other hand would NOT leave my side. In fact, when I sat down, she draped herself across me and stayed there for about 15- 20 minutes. I decided to take a picture of her/ us.

Who waits 20 minutes to pee? I mean, come ON, just get things done here little girl!

She's a very sweet kid, but I'm starting to realize something about her- She's THAT kid.

Everyone had a kid in elementary school that was nice enough but totally socially inept. They were a kid would was obsessed with medieval military, or had some weird thing about wearing the same mismatched socks every day. They had some friends, but not many, and all of them were a slight bit odd. The rest of the class thought the kid was ooookkkay, but just hard to talk to. That kid usually had a strange bond to their mom, and occasionally also starred as the "smelly kid".

So, thats my dog. The weird kid.

She definitely has a STRONG attachment to her mama, and doesn't totally know how to play with the other kids. She has her one special friend that gets her, and digs her program, but everyone else seems to not mesh with her style. Her style is clunky and awkward at best, but still, no one seems to know what to do with her. I don't blame them, even as a loving mama there are days I look at her and go "why do you have to be SO HARD on everyone? can't you just play like the other dogs?"

The one moment of peace I can find is knowing that most of those awkward kids in school grew up to be lawyers and rocket scientists and doctors. They used their quirks to become something great.

Now, I realize I'm talking about a dog here, so chances are she's never going to make anyone live a better life, or fly to the moon (although, really, do we know for sure?) but maybe, just maybe, she can figure out a way to be something really groovy with our help. Maybe in a few years she'll end up being a great therapy dog, or agility dog, or just a dog that can play with other dogs without starting a fight...... A girl can dream.

In the meantime, I'll accept her devotion, and try to work on her training- which will only help us both get through this awkward time. I'll try to take a deep breath and hope for the best every time we have a new experience instead of feeling a sense of dread and doom. I'll pay the extra money to get our trainer to keep working with us and her on getting these basics of life under control. I will probably not do any of these things in a picture perfect way, but I will try. 'Cause I want my kid to end up a lawyer, not a medical testing test dummy.

SHELTER: Parole & Release

Since I started volunteering at the local shelter, I've taken certain dogs on as personal projects- dogs I work extra hard on and with to get them adopted out asap. So far all of those dogs have been adopted, and successfully. My work with them may be fairly minimal in the grand scheme, but I figure every little bit helps.

It's sorta like being a probation officer- I don't get them released, but I've worked with them to try to make their transition easier out there in the real world. I like that part of my job. Getting some of those dogs more relaxed and ready to find their new humans.

One of my first prized pups was a lovely mutt lady named Oreo. It was an unfortunately awkward name for a really charming, and scared girl. She was about 4 yrs old and had been turned in by an owner who couldn't keep her anymore. She was about as insecure as any dog I've seen before or since- she was convinced everything was there to be mean to her. The loud noises and people moving past her kennel- it was all too much. I saw this and decided I was going to get her to relax.

After spending a good chunk of time with her, and using a good bit of treats as bribery, she started to relax, and ended up in my lap. Which was no small feat considering she was probably 50 lbs. I spent even more time in there with her, and she started showing interest in the people coming past.

Oreo stayed with us at the shelter for a few months. We ended up taking her on a hike (a program we do with certain dogs in the local mountains once a month) and she did fabulously, not only on the hike, but with the other dogs that were around her. She was a dream dog, and I wished I could take her home every time I spent time with her. I knew it would be hard to see her adopted, but I was glad when I came in one day and she was gone. She'd been adopted a few days prior, and had been sent to her new home.

The pictures I took of My little Oreo are still some of my favorite. She helped me realize that volunteering was a good idea after all.

This past weekend, I was out for my longest training run for my upcoming half marathon. The good bit of the first part of the route was along a local bike path that runs near the house. I run this path on a semi regular basis these days, and see people walking their dogs all the time. A short bit into this path, on this day, I saw a lady walking a dog that looked really familiar.

"Excuse me, I hate to bother you, but did you adopt your dog at the Burbank shelter?"

"Yes, actually I did"

" Is this Oreo?"

"Wow, yeah- how'd you know?"

'Cause she's one of mine!

It was Oreo, with her new mom out for one of their regular strolls. She looked fantastic- Healthy, happy, alert, and confident. Just what I had pictured her when we'd worked together. We chatted for a couple minutes, I explained how I knew who this woman's dog was, and Oreo gave me some kisses. The dog was responsive and I don't know if she remembered me, or just knew I was a lady who was being nice to her, but I choose to believe she remembered me. I was fairly smelly by then, so anything she recalled of me was in hyper drive at that point.

Seeing one of my special project dogs doing well in her new home seriously got me through a LONG run that day, and continues to make me happy every time I think about it. The staff at the Shelter was thrilled to hear how well she was doing, which also makes me happy when I think about it. I did my job fairly well, along with the efforts of probably many others, and we got this dog into a home, and made her part of a family. All of our efforts, all of our caring- it all contributed. We get to do that all the time, but you rarely get to see the actual results. It's good.

Reversal of Fortune

Almost exclusively the dogs are the ones committing the 'crimes' in my life. That's kind of the point of this blog after all. They do the troubling activities, I report them- and sometimes pass judgment.

This past weekend, the roles got reversed- much to Piper's dismay, and physical injury.

Before I get into the meat of this story, I have to put the disclaimer on there- Everyone is FINE. The damage done was minor and has already been forgotten. There is no need to worry about the current state of anyone involved. You can go ahead and wince along to the appointed moments. Trust me, you'll know them when you see them.

It all starts with The Criminals badly needing to be professionally groomed. Nails needed trimming, glands needed expressing (so gross) and in Piper's case- since she doesn't shed and has curly fur- she needed a good trim. We made the appointment to take them to the Petco groomers as our last grooming place turned out to be a bunch of A-holes, despite doing a good job with the dogs. I knew Petco would be a crap shoot, but it needed to be done and time was of the essence.

We headed over, everyone in their seat belts, totally unaware of what was about to happen. I unloaded Odie out of my side of the car and started heading towards the door to the grooming Dept. Suddenly, I hear The Hubby yell "Unlock the car!"

I turn around and all I see is him bending down behind the car, looking at me somewhat frantically. He yells again " UNLOCK the car!"

Well, my car doesn't have the fancy unlocking fob thingy, so I walked back over to HIS side of the car to figure out what the hell is going on. As I round the corner, he says "She's stuck, unlock the car, I can't get her out" and I see Piper, tail stuck in a fully closed car door, trapped.

The Hubby goes to grab Piper to prevent her from pulling on her tail any more then she already was, and she, naturally, lashed out- because that shit hurts- and nipped at him- catching 2 of his fingers in the process. This causes whats left of my ability to focus to fracture and I start digging for the keys I had dumped into my bag and asking is he was ok... Dumb.

This must have taken an actual 45-60 seconds, but in hindsight it felt like I was moving in slow motion. I can't even imagine how long it was in dog time.

So, I unlocked the doors, that door was opened, and Piper was released from her nightmare. She wouldn't let me touch her tail right away, and my concern was it had been broken. Upon inspection, I could tell that her skin wasn't broken, there was no blood, but she was just totally freaked out.

On the other hand, there was some blood on The Hubby. Piper's nip had broken skin on his fingers and he was bleeding a fair amount. It was a total surface wound- her teeth has just scraped his skin, but on the fingers, that's a decent amount of blood. So we grabbed a towel out of my car (thanks to having dogs and working at the shelter, I pretty much always have at least 3 towels going in there) and took care of that right away.

After collecting ourselves for a few minutes, and everyone catching their breath, we man-handled Piper enough to know she was fine, and actually, now that the shock had worn off, seemed to be feeling little to no pain. We went ahead and dropped her off with the groomer, with the instruction to touch the end of her tail as little as possible due to what had just happened.

The next day, after everything was LONG over and everyone had a decent nights sleep, I checked Piper's tail again. This time she let me grab it all I wanted with no flinching at all (reaffirming the judgment call from the prior day that she was fine) and I discovered it- The Bump.

The very last inch or so of her tail now leans a little to the left.

Yep- broken.

But only barely

And she doesn't seem to mind it at all.

To add insult to very literal injury- because I'd asked the groomer to leave the end of her tail alone, they ended up giving her a "lion cut", Which means her head looks enormous and the end of her tail has a flag- like quality to it. Thankfully, she's kind of dumb and has no idea what she looks like right now. She's mainly just happy to be alive.

The lasting wounds for The Hubby are more of the "OMG I hurt the dog" variety then anything to do with his fingers. Those healed fast enough and are fine. He keeps checking her tail and the way she moves it though- the guilt lingers. It will for a while, understandably, and that's part of why I love him.

Through all of this, our tiniest criminal, Odie, just sorta stood and there with the look on his face of " whats all the noise?, why is she crying?, where are we? Wait- there's water here, isn't there? You're gonna let them TOUCH me with WATER?! are you INSANE WOMAN?!" and more along those lines. The actual moment of injury left him completely unaffected. He's lucky that way. The bath didn't actually kill him either, despite his best efforts to convince us otherwise.

So, like I said, it's important to note that everyone involved is fine. Maybe a little shaken, but ultimately fine. The crime here was undeniably committed by the human aspect. The thing about that is, we still have the thumbs, so we still ultimately win. The lack of broken tail is kind of a win too, although scars make you look tough, so I guess in that regard, Piper comes out ahead.