murder.....?

Have I mentioned our small dog is a bit of a hunter? I think I have.

Well, even the worst hunter's bag something once in a while.

Even the worst ones......

here's what happened that made my dog equal to one of the worst ones.

A few days back, I came home from an after work class, and let the dogs back out. They were due for dinner, but they needed to go outside, so I let them out, encouraging that they get down to business, and then came in to prep dinner.

Big Girl Piper came in, as she is always following a human rather then be by herself anywhere. Odie stayed outside - which is not terribly unusual.

I set out dinner, called Odie, and he came barreling in. They sat and waited for dinner, I put bowls down, and Piper dug in. Odie, in an act of true bizarre-ness, took off and went back outside. I was stunned, but figured he was on the trail of something and picked his food back up for later.

When he came back in, I gave him dinner, he ate, and then once again, took off like his butt was on fire. At this point, Piper and I had moved on to the TV portion of the evening.

Eventually Odie came back inside, hung out for a little while, then disappeared into the office, which is normal. What wasn't normal was a few minutes later when I heard him being very active in there. Normally he just curls up on the couch and chills. The movement and jumping noises are odd. After a couple of minutes of this, I got up and went to check out what he was doing.

As I leaned towards the office, I flicked a light on, and for some reason, looked at the floor. Thats when I saw it

A dead bird.

Which had clearly been tossed around the room for the past few minutes.

And Odie

Standing, proud of himself for having killed the (hopefully!) already dead thing.

I used some words. I won't repeat them. You can draw your own conclusions.

After heading off Piper from getting involved, and getting Odie out of the room, I cleaned up the dead bird. It was really gross, and I felt bad for the poor thing. All I could hope for was the bird had been dead before Odie found it, and it wasn't him killing it outside before he brought it in that was keeping him occupied instead of eating dinner.

So, basically, his desert was Dead bird with a side of FLING! YAY!

gross.

gone AWOL

So, time has passed, but one thing remains the same- my dogs are crazy people.

They are both very sweet, very loving, and very charming when they want to be. They are also totally and completely mental.

Case in point- when we go on walks and encounter other dogs, they both go kind of deaf, dumb and blind to anything else- including the human attached to the other end of the leash.

Odie gets over it pretty quickly when we restrict him from getting to the other dog. Just keep walking, and drag him along behind and in a couple of minutes he stops struggling, and moves onto the next thing. One of the joys of having a dog who weighs 15 lbs- there's not much he can do if you don't want him to. Piper on the other hand.... Once that girl focuses on something, breaking her of it is a test for anyone. She locks on and will NOT be distracted for anything.

This has made walking a true challenge. We got our phenominal trainer out to help us, and she gave us exercises to use to help Piper learn that other dogs weren't something that needed to be attacked, just things to be walked past. It's going to be an ongoing process for the next few... YEARS.... sigh.... but she is getting better. Tiny, miniscule bit by bit.

Things we still deal with on our walks are the neighborhood dogs that Piper knows about. She anticipates them, and starts to do a routine I like to call "suiting up" for her encounter. Which is ridiculous 'cause she never actually comes in contact with any of them, but whatever.

She starts walking taller, ears forward, shoulders tense, and breathing like she's about to jump into a cold lake. She starts this about 4 houses away from whichever dog house she's about to come up on. Then as we get even closer, we start the distraction techniques we've worked with the trainer on. That usually gets us through the pass by section relatively well. After that, she will still breathe heavily and occasionally get a good foaming at the mouth going.

We'll go through this several times over the course of a walk some days. Meanwhile, little Odie is attached to my hip, and he just keeps motoring like none of this is interesting anymore. He's been through it so many times that he is now completely unimpressed and unmoved by the excitment. I think part of him is over Piper's outbursts too. If he could talk he'd probably just be telling her to cut it out so he could get to the rest of his walk already.

The worst of all the encounters we have to face is this one particular house. They have 2 small, and yet overweight, chihuahuas in a chain link fenced in yard. They live on a corner, so we get to face them in the side and the front of the house. I call them the Monsters.

The Monsters are not only not discouraged from bum rushing the fence and challenging all comers, but are even let out of the front door specifically to do it. They charge, bark, shriek, challenge, growl, bare teeth, you name it, they do it, and they will continue to do it until you're about 3 houses away. Needlessto say this makes Piper totally lose her mind. It presses all of her buttons several times over. There have been days where The Monsters get so aggressive, and Piper reacts so strongly, that Odie gets going and growling too, and they are both wrapped around my legs that I get really unsettled that someone is gonna get hurt, and there's a very good chance it'll be me.

I've learned to prepare myself better as we approach this house, and to always be hopeful the Monsters will be locked away and not even know we're passing by. I try not to anticipate the madness too much, because I know Piper can feel that tension. I try to project Odie's calm, "whatever, we're walking its all good" demeanor into every step.

Doesn't always work.

I have to admit I've come to hate those Little Monsters a lot.

Not overly fond of the owners who let them out to terrorize any and all passerby either.

I mean, I've been out running by myself and those Monsters do the same thing to me through the fence. It's just insanity.

I will say, every time we make it past that house without incident I am thrilled. Every time we have to pass by the Monsters temper tantrums I send them mental wishes of going mute or suddenly losing the ability to comprehend us. Some days I avoid the house altogether because I'm just too damn tired to deal with it. In my book that is a completely valid way to deal.

All told, the walks get a little better all the time, but they are still something that tries my patience and some days fill me with dread. It reminds me of how socially stunted my big criminal is, no matter HOW sweet she is when she wants us to love her. She was damaged by a family of people who had no idea what to do with her, and now we're trying to tell a stubborn, opinionated teenager to do things our way......

It's a miracle we're all still standing... and walking.

time lapse

Well, there has been quite the time lapse since a blog entry, hasn't there?

I can explain!

Ok, not really, beyond things got busy and the dogs mostly settled into a routine, and the trainer came and helped us, and things got busy.

I didn't even get to the shelter very much over the past couple of months- its been a challenge to get my usual amount of time there. Poor pups barely had time to get to know me, and my hand feeding them treats before I disappeared again.

After the next couple of things, things will settle down, life will loosen its strangle hold on me, and I will get back to having time to getting super frustrated by four legged creatures while simultaneously wanting to take all of them home and cuddle on the couch with them. Yes, even my own personal criminals. I even want to let them on the couch sometimes.

And then Piper Farts.

and I remember why we don't do that anymore.

So, chins up folks, I'm working on it, I swear. Hopefully new content VERY soon. Don't give up on me yet.

thanks

-Seaweed

Forward Motion

Despite all the activities that made me want to open the front door and wish the dogs well, I didn't.

Never even came close, really.

Ok, maybe for a second.

But I promise you, anyone who says they've never hit that point with their animals is either nuts, lying, or not taking very good care of them.

After hitting this point of frustration and wondering if we were really the right family for these pooches- We called in the cavalry- our trainer. She had worked with Piper in a group class setting a few months back (anyone remember the Helicopter move? Yeah, it was that class) and we'd done pretty well considering. Time for some more focused attention and new tricks.

In the meantime, freedoms got taken away, and a new schedule was established. There was to be no more wandering the house with no humans present. So much for getting into stuff when no one was looking. We also realized that not enough energy was being burned- so there are new walks added into the mix.

This requires me to get up even earlier then I already did and walking them for 20-30 minutes every day. 6:45am EVERY day, I'm out there with the monsters, trying to wear them out a little. His Boy (as the Husband is known in our house) is supposed to take them on a similar walk every day after work. That doesn't always happen, but we're getting there.

After we got all that started, we finally had our first visit with our trainer, the magic lady, Nadia. We had 3 things to address with her, the walks being a hot mess with BOTH dogs lunging at every dog they saw was the first one.

This had proven to be quite the pain in my ass when I'm walking both of them and barely awake. But they do- they Lunge and make noise and pull and make general nuisances of themselves every time they see another dog around. I used to think it was a desperate attempt to make a connection and play, but recently it's taken a more "let me at 'em!" tone. I can't have that- uncivilized dogs are unacceptable in my book. More then that, it was giving me shoulder aches and at least once every other day, a moment where I was convinced I was gonna get pulled onto my face flat on the cement. None of this is a good idea.

We showed Nadia the undesired behavior and she immediately had a "game" for us to use to break the habit of trying to get to every dog on the planet. It's something we incorporate into every walk we go on. There's a second part of it, which discourages the yanking on the leash we were contending with as well. This has made walks a very involved process- which is super fun at 6:45 am, let me tell you. BUT- we are making progress, slow (and begrudging on Piper's part), but progress nonetheless.

Next up, we're going to work on front door behavior. We'd like to achieve Polite, as opposed to the current Frantic. It will be another multi step process that will be a daily activity. As all training is, sadly. No magic bullets yet..... but maybe someday.

(OMG how great would that be? A magic pill you give the dog and you get like 5 days of solid communication where you can EXPLAIN everything to them and they understand, and then they chose behaviors based on logic and desire to make everyone happy together..... Science! I call upon you to get on that crap! Whoever does will be a bagillionaire in like 5 minutes. I promise. )

This is part of bringing home a slightly damaged dog- a rescue who wasn't entirely well cared for in her formative stages. Odie's quick responses to anything the walks, flies, or scurries doesn't help the situation one bit. He's a lover of the chase, and enjoys getting his sister into the act. He gives up quickly though, and Piper just won't quit. She doesn't know how to give up, because she was never properly discouraged from fixations.

Nadia has already been a balm to my frazzled nerves. She's teaching us how to be better wardens to the criminals. She's reminding me to stay calm, as they are only simple creatures who aren't intentionally making me insane. She's reminding the Hubby that trust has to be earned, and guilt shouldn't make us choose things that aren't right for the pups. We're both learning to work together and listen to each other a bit more.

While all this learning is going on, there are still moments where all I want to do is crawl into the bathtub with some headphones on and pretend none of it is real. Sadly, even in the tub I can hear the chaos going on outside the door. Sometimes there's even a nose or 2 on the shower door asking me when I'm gonna come out and play again.

Sigh.

Cute, but..... Ok, fine I'm coming.

It is my job, as warden to the criminals, to make sure they are rehabilitated though, so taking a deep breath and doing what is best for everyone is part of that job. Apparently, so is waking up really early, and facing the world despite being blurry eyed and fuzzy headed (mostly literally) every morning for the exercise and training. Not my favorite part of the job, to be sure, but hopefully sometime in the next few years I can retire, and just be a regular Joe, hangin' with her pups, who don't care so much anymore.

Ah, retirement..... that'll be a good day. For now, I take pleasure in having called on one of the best trainers I could ask for helping us. I also enjoy the moments where we find a sweet spot with training and things click in and work right. Those moments are usually fleeting, but it gives me hope for a future where walks are enjoyable again, and there's a possibility of being able to come through my front door with out stepping on anyone.

If you're LA local and want the info on our miracle worker trainer- you can find her info here: http://www.thebarkingbunch.com/

I can't say enough good things, seriously.

At a complete and utter loss

OMG these dogs.

O

M

G

The husband didn't help anyone on this one either. Sorry babe, but it's true.

Last night, after work and a post work gym session, I FINALLY make it home, ready for dinner and sleep. As I pull up, my 2 favorite criminals were sitting in the front window waiting for me. I thought to myself "is there really anything better then that?" and looked forward to cuddling with them on the floor once I got myself settled and showered.

Between my car pulling up and me getting in the house the little one took off for the backyard. Not the weirdest thing ever, but not entirely normal either.

I soon found out why.

Someone (cough coughpiper Cough) had weaseled their way into my bathroom kit from my trip last weekend, and pulled out EVERYTHING in there. Might as well have turned it upside and shaken in.

Ok, so I found things in stages- The first thing was on the rug by the front door- it'd clearly been dragged over there to occupy some time while waiting for me to come home. It was my nice, pricey (well price-ier anyway) moisturizer with SPF in it, it got turned into this:

(side note- really recommend this brand of skin care- cruelty free and smells yummy)

Yeah.... there was lotion all over the rug. So, that was awesome. I was like- how did you get this.... OH NO! As the realization of what had happened dawned on me.

I started yelling at everyone... who was Piper, 'cause Odie had taken off and was hiding in the back yard, 'cause he's not stupid all the time. Piper crouched into her "Please, don't kill me, I didn't mean it" pose which leaves me no room at all to keep yelling at her.

As I head into the office, I see this:

(sorry for blurry, my rage made for kinda crappy picture taking)

What you see there is the remains of 2 plastic sandwich bags, 1 more moisturizer container- in pieces, 1 bar of body glide (a thing runners use to prevent chafing, no matter what it sounds like), several gobs of the actual lotion, and a couple of hair ties. That was all I could fit into the picture, there was also some Q-Tips, a few more shards of plastic bag and bottle label also in that room.

More screaming, more cowering.

I rounded the final corner into the master bathroom where the kit had been stored on the floor, waiting for me to finish unpacking it, and found the cherry on top of this entire experience:

Yep- the remaining content of the white bag thats in front of the toilet. Toothbrush, soap, head bands, MANY bobby pins, another empty plastic bag, several Floss containers, etc. Dumped all over the floor and sifted through for the "good stuff". The toothpaste I can't remember if I still had in there or not is gone completely- no sign of it at all. So, that might be down someone's gullet at this point.

I utterly lost my mind. There was not a person in the family who was safe at that moment. The Husband is lucky he was at class when this all went down (although if he'd been home it wouldn't have happened, vicious cycle there) because I had told him several times that Piper kept stealing out of the bathroom so he either had to lock the kids up or close that door very specifically.

You see, the best part of this is- they NEVER do this stuff when The husband is gonna be the first one home. Nor, do they eat his stuff. Nope, they wait for it to be my turn, and then they stealthily find MY crap- usually pricey- and EAT IT WHOLE.

3 days prior I had found Odie chewing on the remains of a mascara tube they'd stolen out of my gym bag. We didn't catch Piper 'cause she'd already discarded her half of that prize.

But man were their lashes lovely.

So, I'm the lucky one who gets to come home to this total mess, and financial burden, and lose my mind. I have never screamed at them like that before. It only lasted maybe 45 seconds before I gave up and just started cleaning up. Their ultimate punishment was the solid stonewall style ignoring they got for the remained of the evening. That drives Piper insane- she HATES being ignored. She tried everything- behaving like a good girl, sitting quietly and staring at me, coming up and trying to put her head on my knee- you name the game, and she played it.

Nope, not working today cookie- Momma is on the verge of a meltdown.

Yes, I was worried about them getting sick, but quite frankly, they're gotten into so much stuff at this point, I kinda wait to see what happens. Since they were both acting normally (and guiltily) I just left it at that, as opposed to paying insane ER prices for something that might be fine. We'll keep an eye on them for the next couple of days, and I hope I don't regret that at any point, but right now it's the best we can do. If I rushed them to get X-rays every time they broke into something and ate it, we'd have to sell the house.

I've never had this before- my previous dogs were either insanely limited to where they were allowed to go in the house (regretful of that choice, trust me) or just POLITE enough to not pull this crap. I've tried to be really aware of setting them up for success by not giving them access to things that seem tempting- the food cabinet, the bathroom, Flip flops laying around (thats an Odie thing I still can't explain). I realize, crap happens, but man- steam was coming out of my ears on this one. It's gonna linger for a little while before it finally subsides. I am just SO tired of things getting trashed- MY THINGS- for no apparent reason.

Next up on the agenda- Longer walks, more things to chew on, and more closed doors around the house, and most likely a good long negotiation session between husband and wife to make all those things happen.

Until all those come to pass- Probation. All of you. Behave.