Repeat Offenders

I don't know how actual law enforcement does it. TV must mirror real life in some ways, and I'm fairly certain repeat offenders would be one of those ways. I mean, there must be people out there who live such a criminal life that when bad things happen, cops automatically jump to it being that person as the perpetrator. It makes sense that those people would exist in most communities.

I have one in my house. Possibly 2. But one for sure.

As always, the crime was committed while I was asleep (would sleeping less solve these problems? Possibly, but it would mean a lot more time in solitary due to warden being cranky as hell) and was discovered upon my opening the bedroom door.

I hadn't even taken a step across the threshold yet- I looked down, blurry eyed, to establish where Piper was so I wouldn't step on her, and there it was:

A chewed up full tube of toothpaste, cap gone, small amount of contents squished out onto carpet through a puncture hole midway down the tube.

My half awake brain couldn't even process this, and I picked it up, showed it to her, and asked "what is this? why is this?" As if she was gonna have an answer that made sense and DIDN'T get her into trouble.

Having no idea how long it had been there (no more then 20 minutes, no less then 5) and whether or not she would still be able to process a punishment, I threw away the tube and used the bathroom as I normally would, having skipped her normal morning affection. That was my way of punishing her. I come out to see if any other hijinks had occurred during my last few moments of peace and almost missed crime scene #2:

In the middle of the living room carpet- the SECOND tube of toothpaste, chewed up, burst open and slimed around a little. Next to it- the cap from the first tube.

My detective skills lead me to this conclusion of events-

Piper had stood up on the counter and taken the first toothpaste tube down, and walked it to the living room. Odie, seeing opportunity, had jumped in and tried his hand at it. Piper, her prize now taken, went back and grabbed a second one for herself.

They both chewed away until they got a taste and realized it wasn't all that great and kind of left it.

It's a good thing not much was eaten, as Fluoride can be very dangerous in larger doses. The plus side is everyone had very fresh breath this morning. Minty even. We're also very lucky she only went for the toothpaste as there were medicines, and an Icy/Hot tube right next to where the toothpaste had been. Any of that stuff could have been expensive at the least, and fatal at the worst.

I cleaned up the mess, washed the carpets, and ignored everyone. No one was given any affection at all for the entire morning. The crime was reported with the defense lawyer (my husband, 'His Boy') who apologized for his clients behavior, and stated concern for their safety. The events were logged, and the only punishment available was delivered.

I'm just warn out from trying to stay one step ahead, because it never seems to be effective. Apparently two terrier mixes actually ARE smarter then 1 human. That is just depressing.

Anyone out there know a good, affordable parole officer... I mean, obedience trainer?