At a complete and utter loss

OMG these dogs.

O

M

G

The husband didn't help anyone on this one either. Sorry babe, but it's true.

Last night, after work and a post work gym session, I FINALLY make it home, ready for dinner and sleep. As I pull up, my 2 favorite criminals were sitting in the front window waiting for me. I thought to myself "is there really anything better then that?" and looked forward to cuddling with them on the floor once I got myself settled and showered.

Between my car pulling up and me getting in the house the little one took off for the backyard. Not the weirdest thing ever, but not entirely normal either.

I soon found out why.

Someone (cough coughpiper Cough) had weaseled their way into my bathroom kit from my trip last weekend, and pulled out EVERYTHING in there. Might as well have turned it upside and shaken in.

Ok, so I found things in stages- The first thing was on the rug by the front door- it'd clearly been dragged over there to occupy some time while waiting for me to come home. It was my nice, pricey (well price-ier anyway) moisturizer with SPF in it, it got turned into this:

(side note- really recommend this brand of skin care- cruelty free and smells yummy)

Yeah.... there was lotion all over the rug. So, that was awesome. I was like- how did you get this.... OH NO! As the realization of what had happened dawned on me.

I started yelling at everyone... who was Piper, 'cause Odie had taken off and was hiding in the back yard, 'cause he's not stupid all the time. Piper crouched into her "Please, don't kill me, I didn't mean it" pose which leaves me no room at all to keep yelling at her.

As I head into the office, I see this:

(sorry for blurry, my rage made for kinda crappy picture taking)

What you see there is the remains of 2 plastic sandwich bags, 1 more moisturizer container- in pieces, 1 bar of body glide (a thing runners use to prevent chafing, no matter what it sounds like), several gobs of the actual lotion, and a couple of hair ties. That was all I could fit into the picture, there was also some Q-Tips, a few more shards of plastic bag and bottle label also in that room.

More screaming, more cowering.

I rounded the final corner into the master bathroom where the kit had been stored on the floor, waiting for me to finish unpacking it, and found the cherry on top of this entire experience:

Yep- the remaining content of the white bag thats in front of the toilet. Toothbrush, soap, head bands, MANY bobby pins, another empty plastic bag, several Floss containers, etc. Dumped all over the floor and sifted through for the "good stuff". The toothpaste I can't remember if I still had in there or not is gone completely- no sign of it at all. So, that might be down someone's gullet at this point.

I utterly lost my mind. There was not a person in the family who was safe at that moment. The Husband is lucky he was at class when this all went down (although if he'd been home it wouldn't have happened, vicious cycle there) because I had told him several times that Piper kept stealing out of the bathroom so he either had to lock the kids up or close that door very specifically.

You see, the best part of this is- they NEVER do this stuff when The husband is gonna be the first one home. Nor, do they eat his stuff. Nope, they wait for it to be my turn, and then they stealthily find MY crap- usually pricey- and EAT IT WHOLE.

3 days prior I had found Odie chewing on the remains of a mascara tube they'd stolen out of my gym bag. We didn't catch Piper 'cause she'd already discarded her half of that prize.

But man were their lashes lovely.

So, I'm the lucky one who gets to come home to this total mess, and financial burden, and lose my mind. I have never screamed at them like that before. It only lasted maybe 45 seconds before I gave up and just started cleaning up. Their ultimate punishment was the solid stonewall style ignoring they got for the remained of the evening. That drives Piper insane- she HATES being ignored. She tried everything- behaving like a good girl, sitting quietly and staring at me, coming up and trying to put her head on my knee- you name the game, and she played it.

Nope, not working today cookie- Momma is on the verge of a meltdown.

Yes, I was worried about them getting sick, but quite frankly, they're gotten into so much stuff at this point, I kinda wait to see what happens. Since they were both acting normally (and guiltily) I just left it at that, as opposed to paying insane ER prices for something that might be fine. We'll keep an eye on them for the next couple of days, and I hope I don't regret that at any point, but right now it's the best we can do. If I rushed them to get X-rays every time they broke into something and ate it, we'd have to sell the house.

I've never had this before- my previous dogs were either insanely limited to where they were allowed to go in the house (regretful of that choice, trust me) or just POLITE enough to not pull this crap. I've tried to be really aware of setting them up for success by not giving them access to things that seem tempting- the food cabinet, the bathroom, Flip flops laying around (thats an Odie thing I still can't explain). I realize, crap happens, but man- steam was coming out of my ears on this one. It's gonna linger for a little while before it finally subsides. I am just SO tired of things getting trashed- MY THINGS- for no apparent reason.

Next up on the agenda- Longer walks, more things to chew on, and more closed doors around the house, and most likely a good long negotiation session between husband and wife to make all those things happen.

Until all those come to pass- Probation. All of you. Behave.